I'd like to say that my absence from blogging was because of something exciting - secret mission, exotic travel, whatever. But no, nothing interesting like that to report. But before I get to what I have been (or not been) doing, let me bring you up to date on how the Relay for Life turned out. Through your extraordinary generosity, the Kent WA area relay raised nearly $200,000, our combined church groups raised $20,500, and I finished up with $4500 (far more than I expected to raise). I ran into one of the American Cancer Society staffers that I usually see at the hospital - he was impressed how our little (OK - it's not that little, but it's still thought of that way in the rest of the county) city had done. The first picture is of me sitting on the track next to the luminaria 
(taking a break already!). After dark the luminaria ringing the track are lit - each is dedicated to the honor or memory of a cancer patient. They stay lit all night, or until the candle dies down. The ceremony is quite touching - I cried like a baby halfway through it.
So - the question you've wondering about - where I have been for the past month? Well, to put it quite plainly, I've been sick as a dog. After the Relay, my health has taken turn for the worse. With no active treatment, my tumors have continued to grow and multiply. The fevers have continued, despite vigorous cowbell playing (see earlier post of May 7). The CT scan was not pretty and showed new tumors and expansion of the old and new tumors so that they completely filled my abdominal cavity, squeezing all of the other organs - much like my original condition two years ago at diagnosis (actually worse than what I started with). This makes breathing difficult, and causes extreme pain as the tumors press against my ribs. Sleeping is nearly impossible on many nights because I can't find a comfortable position. I can only eat small portions at any one time because there is not enough room to hold a normal serving. Pain relief is kind of hit or miss. Sometimes, over the counter pain medication works enough to dull the pain. Other times, I have to resort to prescription strength ("Do not operate heavy machinery") stuff which provides a few hours of relief - I can feel the pain, but it's at a manageable level. I can't use the prescription stuff very often because it upsets the extremely delicate balance I have in my lower intestinal tract. Since the last few inches of my rectum has a tumor residing in it, it doesn't behave like the normal smooth muscle there and help pass out waste. I have to take more polyethylene glycol (remember the stuff for the colonoscopy prep?) to help it work. When I take the prescription pain relief meds, they slow down all the rest of the smooth muscles and they all take the day off. Trying to get everything started up again reminds me of trying to start up a pulp mill after a maintenance shutdown - a complicated and highly choreographed process that that has to be done in a precise order and time schedule to work right.
All that being said, not every day has been miserable - there have been a few days where I have been functional and had a "good" day. But chronic pain and fatigue really take a lot out of your day. I have been attempting to continue to work, with mixed results. I have had to get a ride home before lunchtime on a few days, and some days, I just plain can't get up at all. On those days, I just sleep or attempt to catch up on the sleep deficit. Motivation to do much of anything else pretty much disappears other than trying to eat meals with my family and going to the bathroom for a continuation of poop watch. On nice days, I will sleep outside during the day. On most days, staying awake during the day is a struggle. Lots of things have gone undone or late, including replying (or even reading) email and keeping up with this blog. I apologize for waiting so long to update you all, but it has been tough. I probably could have found the time someplace to write a quick note - after all, I did find the time to take an out of town guest for a day trip up to Mt. Rainier, but the trip pretty well wore me out. Lunch at the lodge was nicer than the last time and we had a nice drive up and back. Still lots of snow too.
I also refused to miss our annual camping and clamming trip. I didn't think that I was up to sleeping on the ground, even with an inflatable bed, so I made reservations at the motel in town. As it turned out, we shortened it to just a day trip (normally a 3 day weekend trip) and didn't even spend the night. I kept my activities to sitting on a bucket on the tide flats and shucking oysters - nothing really physically challenging, but still able to sit with friends and chat. I had big plans to prepare Bananas Foster for desert, but ran out of energy really quickly after doing dinner - we'll save it for a later date. We sat and talked with our friends around the fire for a bit longer and then headed for home.Well, I need to wrap this up - I'm running out of energy again and need to take a short nap before I try to knock off a few of the tasks on my to-do list. I'll try not to wait so long before writing again.
