Bob's Cancer Blog: Does cancer hurt?

Gee whiz - the last time I wrote was September 23! Not that I haven't had the desire to sit down and write, but more that I've either been too tired to get very far and decided that a nap was a better choice, or that I've been tied up with household things (like replacing the broken dishwasher), or otherwise busy with the welcome visit of out-of-town houseguests.

A little catch-up first. The last set of marker numbers are from last week - 5.4. Up a tiny bit from the last set, but not statistically different. I will also be changing my treatment regimen this week and dropping back to biweekly treatment, but doubling the dose of Erbitux that I receive. It will make the long full-meal day just a bit longer (by about 30 minutes), but it means that I don't have to make the weekly pilgrimage to the treatment center. The double dose seems to be effective in Dr. Gold's patients who have tried it, and was the topic of discussion at a recent meeting he attended. The side effects are said to be no worse than the present ones (but not better either...dang). I'm hoping that when given with the full-meal deal and the steroids, I still get a 3-5 day honeymoon from side effects.

And about those side effects... The subject line was inspired by Leroy Sievers' blog on Friday (thanks to Leroy again for providing inspiration). He has recently undergone surgery to replace a spinal vertebrae that had a tumor and was weakened. Given all the procedures he has endured to battle his cancer - chemotherapy, radiation, gamma-knife surgery, cryo-ablation, radiofrequency ablation, vertebroplasty - that he would have been ready to address the question "Does cancer hurt?" before now. After his surgery, it's been hurting him a lot - recovery from major surgery is frequently painful, and this has been especially painful. It didn't start out that way, and from reading his blog, it's evident that the previous procedures were not without pain, but that this one has now set the bar for pain quite a bit higher. His conclusion - cancer does hurt. In my case, I couldn't agree more. The past month has been physically more challenging than anything else I've experienced - tougher than any climb I've done. Chemotherapy started out pretty easy and the pains were more of a nuisance than anything else. As time has worn on and the "novelty" of cancer has worn off, pain has been more of a constant companion. I get a few days off when the steroids are working, and I've grown to looking forward to that little honeymoon. But within a few days, the little aches and skin rashes start up. The constant itching makes me irritable (there's that Irritable Bob Syndrome again) and I end up with scratches when I wake up in the morning that invariably get infected - time to renew the standing prescription for antibiotics. Within a few more days, the skin splits open on my fingers and heels and the bottle of liquid bandage stays within reach for touch-ups. I bleed a lot - all over - I have to avoid wearing light colors that won't show bloodstains. By then, my mouth and lips start developing ulcers and eating and speaking become incredibly painful - enough to bring tears to my eyes at times. That puffy lip thing works pretty good for Angelina Jolie, but it looks like hell on me. And strangely enough, if you walk up to me and ask me how I'm doing, I'll usually say "OK - I'm getting by." Yeah, cancer hurts. It hurts a lot. And when they ask me every week if I want to skip treatment, I always say no - if I can shorten this by even one week, I'll keep doing it.

While on my last steroid honeymoon, I had houseguests from out of town. It was nice to take a little break and show off where I live. I finally got a chance to get back to Mt. Rainier to show it off to my guests. I hadn't gotten the chance to visit there since I started chemo. It was beautiful - the lower elevations were in full fall foliage glory and snow was falling at the Paradise visitors center. It was great to be back.